So last weekend I saw a psychic. Now it doesn’t matter whether you believe in psychics or just think they are excellent readers of body language. Either way what this woman had to say struck home and I’ve spent this week working my way through what she had to say. I admit I’m a little bit jealous of my friends with their long relationships and (at least on the surface) happy families so when she asked what I wanted a reading on and I said relationships I was kinda hoping for the “Your tall, dark, handsome stranger is on his way”. Instead I got a few home truths that left me reeling for a few days.
“You’ve had your heart broken a lot haven’t you?” she said. Oh boy where to start with that one. The mental abusing ex-husband. The family that didn’t believe you because “he’s lovely”, “he wouldn’t hurt a fly” and “Well I can’t see any marks”. Probably because all the scars are in my head! Then there was the doctor who broke my heart when I tried to go for help with my depression and impending first breakdown. Being told to go away and grow up broke my heart. Family again when they agreed with him. A succession of dodgy boyfriends stemming from the previous few broken hearts finally ending with the loss of my two best friends during the second (and hopefully last) breakdown. They don’t have to be your partner to break your heart.
It’s no wonder my head is messed up! I am smiling while I write by the way, I have to get the negatives in before I can start talking about the positives.
The psychic also told me she couldn’t me she couldn’t tell if I was single or not because my heart was so flat. OUCH!!! I’m obviously not dead because that one sentence hurt like a bitch. She did have some positive things to say. A little bit of life coaching mostly. I got told to be myself because I’m perfect the way i am but I have to let people see that instead of hiding it like I’ve some nasty curse (my words this time) I have to hold my head high, smile, look people in the eye more instead of always looking at the floor and talk more. Then she started laughing, pointed to the voices in her head and then said I had no problems talking but I wasn’t saying the right things. Do this and I’ll be fighting off the Mr Rights.
I left her feeling a bit desolate, rejoined my mum and told her. Ever the supportive mother she just said “Well she’s right”. Grrrrr
So I spent 2 days sulking before I devised the SET plan- Smile, Eye contact, Talk! I also started thinking about who’s in my life at the minute. In the last 2 and a half years one or two work friends have evolved naturally into very close friends that I love having in my life. This year I made two new friends, completely new previously strangers that have restored a bit of faith in that I am a nice person people want to be friends with. I spent a long while a few years ago wondering if people wanted to be friends with me or because I was friends with others. As if I was being humoured. I think that’s a confidence thing. And after this week I can see now I was wrong and I can attract great people into my life just by being me. Hey the psychic was right!!!!
Anyway on Wednesday it was World Book Night and I went along with my SET plan to see what would happen. It was a bit scary but I was determined to mingle not matter what. I think I did OK I kept forgetting to ask people’s names which some of my friends have found hilarious but I should get better with practise. But I’m proud of myself for trying. Some people seemed interesting and some didn’t but that’s always going to be the case.
So I’m about to enter my own little Revolution against myself. Rise up and break the chains that are holding me back. Or something like that anyway…It’s time to put my poor battered heart back together and let love in, in it’s many forms.
Smile at someone today…you never know how much it might mean to them
As a complete aside I’ve started another blog that I hope will be full of creative stuff, reviews, crap poetry, things I’ve made and so on. I’ve only just started it but I hope it’ll grow as much as this one.