I’m a Survivor

It’s no wonder I’ve been so tired. As I sat waiting for my Open University exam it struck me I’ve actually been studying for the last 14 months without a break. As I’d dropped out of a module two Christmases ago I needed to make up the points to complete the degree by 2017 and allow me to keep the transitional fees. So I have had to do 3 courses and due to start dates there has been overlap rather than doing one after the other. In that time I have suffered two deaths, changed jobs, applied for a promotion(still ongoing), had a new bathroom and supported my son through his own dissertation and first ever photography exhibition. And that’s just the things I can remember.

But the biggest thing to take away from the last year and a bit is that I survived. I made it though and am waiting for the next one to start in October. When I dropped out of my module 18 months ago I was worried I’d never complete my degree, that I wouldn’t be able to cope with the stress and that the pressure would set my depression off again. It was too hard, I wasn’t clever enough. So many excuses and negative points went through my head. So I went back to basics, literally for the OU and enrolled on one of their beginning courses. I enjoyed that so much I applied for the next two to get me back on track. At certain parts when I had 2 essays due within 2 weeks some of the negativity crept back in. There has been tears and even the odd tantrum but I got through it. I’m now officially half way through with three more years to go.

But I don’t believe I’ve done this all by myself. When the stress creeps in you find out who is there for you. My family have helped and I have the most fantastic friends. I have the support network I wished I’d had many years ago.

So the remaining years of my degree should be fun. I have (hopefully) 2 years of creative writing and one studying Children’s Literature. But I know I can do it now and am looking forward to whatever the future brings.


3 thoughts on “I’m a Survivor

  1. Hi Kirsty, I’m Kirsty and I’m popping over to say hello after Kirsty mentioned you in her latest blog hop! Confusing I know.
    I just wanted to say well done for getting through the last 14 months, dealing with everything and yes you can get through a degree.
    I finished mine with the OU two years ago, in the time I studied with them, I had cancer, then had a major back operation, followed by a stomach operation, fell pregnant and lost my aunt and gran. In the time since then I have suffered with Depression too, losing my grandad six months after my gran, having more issues requiring a second back operation, and having a toddler to cope with when I can’t lift him. I can’t take tablets because I’m pregnant again so on top of the normal icky pregnancy symptoms I’m dealing with the pain too.
    I beat depression everyday by getting up in the morning (albeit some days later than others) and finding something that makes me smile. Like Kirsty I have done the creative writing courses with the OU and love every minute of writing I can squeeze into my day (especially when my son is asleep and there are no interruptions) but it’s having that me time that helps. Yes, I am a mummy, I love my son dearly, and I am a wife, who loves her husband (most of the time) but I have had to find ways to be Kirsty. Whether that’s studying for a qualification, writing a novella or short story or even just sitting and watching a good programme on the television that doesn’t involve cars or balls… Every day is different and it’s that variety that gets me through – and good friends of course. x

    I am sure you will manage to finish your degree, and do well in it too! You are a survivor everyday you get up and carry on! xxxxx

    Kirsty x

    • Hi Kirsty. Thank you for your support and kind words. Writing was one of the many things that got lost while in the worst of my depression and I’m so glad the desire has returned. Every small piece I achieve makes me happy.
      Conggratulations on the new pregnancy and I hope your health issues improve
      Kirsty x

  2. Thank you Kirsty, writing is indeed a way to lose yourself – my councillor actually told me that being able to explore a whole world of characters and settings is actually a way to explore yourself x it seems to work for me x

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