I’m now on annual leave from work. I toyed with the idea of a blog a day while I’m at home but if I’m honest I fully expect several of the days to read: Got up, ate, read a book, went back to bed. I feel like I’ve done so much running around after others lately I’m so tried I just want to have some lazy days.
Today didn’t work out that way. A small lie in and then two hours spent helping my son write out a preliminary business plan. He hopes to consolidate his degree and become a photopgrapher. He’s good at it and it suits his quiet nature. He’s not cut out for the cut throat world of corporate businesses. We completed the whole thing, he has lots of ideas about what he wants and how he wants to do it. But he has had such knock backs with issues graduating and being let down by his university he is letting this ruin his confidence, The negatives were all over an essay never his photography but the effect was devastating and I’m still trying to find ways to bring back the confident child I once had.
I also managed to finally find some more bravery for myself and submit a short story for a new online magazine. Fingers crossed they like it or I may have to unfollow them on twitter 🙂
Some boring bits then – food shopping, spot of cleaning, you know how it goes. I’ve actually been spring cleaning the cupboards lately. I have a huge issue with saying no – something I really need to work on – and as a result have a house full of junk I don;t need. I found several African cooking pots asa result of mother cleaning out HER cupboards, I’m not a cook so why I said yes I’ve no idea. Plus loads of baking equipment, As much as I like cake I admit to laziness and would rather just buy it. So I now have a big pile of cooking and baking pots for gumtree and a car boot sale.
But not being able to say no almost got me in bother at work too. A late day phone call from my boss who is leaving for pastures new to tell me that there would be an advert for her positon on a temporary basis and did I think I would apply? I was sat on the bus going home at the time and panic agreed to it. Why?? I don’t want the job. I’m working on two self employment ideas of my own, about to re-start my part time degree, hoping to have a stall at some craft fairs leading up to Xmas, why would I want to add to my stress levels by managing a team of 12? But this is what I do. I think sometimes I’m scared of letting people down. I often felt that way during my childhood and the worst of my depressive years and even though it isn’t as bad now it still soemtimes happens and that’s why I think I automatically say yes without thinking it through. Too busy trying to please others before myself.
I managed to speak to my boss the next day and decline applying for her job. Now I need to learn to ask for time before making decisions. Maybe the next time my mother turns up with several boxes of her junk!