I’ve spent a lot of time on my two weeks annual leave from work trying to decide how I want my future to go. I’m a big believer in that if you don;t like something you should change it but I have some big changes to work on and I think they need to be done in stages.
I’ve thought a few times about following a counselling career. My first attempt didn’t work as I wasn’t very strong at the time still not fully healed from my breakdown but by the time I start again (and I will) more than two years will have past. I’ve done a lotof work on myself in that time and am stronger than I have been in years.
I also want to simplify my life. I feel like I have too much junk, too much reliance on technology (although it’s fine in small doses) and am probably a bit too materialistic for my own good. I didn’t use to be like that and much of it is linked to coping mechanisms when depressed. I would shop to make myself feel better and spent too much time on the internet when the crippling anxiety meant I coudn’t face going out. My diet could do with an overhaul too. Lots of things and will be doing them in small doses.
Last week I spent 3 days in Glastonbury, enjoying the quiet and slower pace. It’s so noisy not just in Leeds but also my head. I find it easy to get overwhelmed with everything that is going on. I really want to get back to that purer simple way of living whether that is by making changes at home or by finally fixing my finances and moving to a more peaceful area. Over the last few years I think I’ve stopped being the big city girl and now just yearn for some clear air and a different way of life.
I started by having a huge clearout in my house. The lounge is now full of stuff ready for a car boot sale at the end of the month. I cleaned out my make up box and have thrown away a box full of old foundations, mascaras, 18 lip glosses and several eye liners. I’ve barely worn make up in the past few years yet even throwing all that out I still have more left than I’ll probably get through in a long time. It’s a tiny thing but one that signifies the big changes I want to make. Moving on from the old life to embrace the new one.
I’ve dug out all my loyalty shop cards. Not store credit cards but points ones and free items with so many stamps etc. The pile is over an inch high!!! That suggests an inability to say no to shop assistants and again another way of sabotaging my progress. Its hard to pay off debts when you get caught in trying to increase your points on the cards. I need to go through them and reduce them.
So some small changes made already, preparing for bigger ones to come. I’m going to finish the latest Open University module then I will put the degree to one side as it’s not as important any more. The boot sale money and savings from not spending with loyalty cards will all go towards financing the counselling training I would rather do. I’m looking forward to an exciting journey x