Poetry hour

Seeing as the poem I put up last week went down quite well I thought I’d be brave and give you a couple more. I will, over the next few weeks also put up some of the short bits of writing I’ve done over my course so far – mostly 200-300 words and not all complete short stories but maybe sharing them will inspire them to become something bigger.
The first poem was inspired by some graffiti in a book I was reading and is just a bit of nonsense. The second was inspired by watching local school kids at the bus stop. The school uniform is black and as many of these students at the school are Asian their headwear also had to be black (no pretty colours for individualism at this school!). It was so lovely to see someone trying to express their individuality as best they could.

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Exams Smell

Terror, tremors
The fear and sweat
In the school gym
Exam conditions met

Tick tock goes the clock
Nervous shuffling of feet
Are my pencils sharp?
Tap tap goes their beat

I’m so scared
What if I fail?
What if I can’t answer the question?
Did I revise enough?

The clock chimes nine
It’s time to begin
Turn the paper
Help!

The girl in the red Converse

Bus Stop
To high school
A sea of black, conformity
Then…a pair of red shoes
Uniform. Uniform!
Everyone’s the same
Interchangeable.
She tries to break the mould

Stand out!
Wear the shoes.
Embrace your individuality.
Dare to be…

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A Day in the Life – original poem

Well tomorrow’s diet blog can be summed up with the following: When you bump into a former friend of your evil ex-husband, binge eating a packet of chocolate hobnobs is probably not the best way to deal with it. I didn’t even enjoy them in the end and will probably pay for it at the scales tomorrow. The support from friends was far more satisfying over the following couple of days. So hugs not biscuits need to be the way forward!

This blog was started to see the positive in life and taking chances so here’s a poem! It was written in response to a recent Open University tutorial and we had to write about an event(s) of the past week which happened to co-incide with the arrival of snow. This is that day summed up in 3 stanzas. Hope you enjoy it x

A Day In The LIfe

‘Snow joke, lost again.

Trudging a mile

in the crunchy white stuff.

Me with the wrong place,

She with the wrong time

Two drowned rats looking rough.

Go see my golden boy.

Housed after a year on the streets.

Smile, he is happy.

Feeling safe and ready

to start his life again.

Looking for work now, my cheeky chappy.

Ah The Palace! Five pound

wine bottle with my name on.

Waitng. Along with friends.

Glass not empty for long.

Laughter, gossip,warmth and love

The perfect way for my day to end.

Weight loss incentives and Pretty jar update Week 2

So 2lbs lost this week and 4 pieces of pasta for the pounds lost jar. Still can’t get the lid of the ‘pounds remaining’ jar but it’s flat now and hopwfully won’t be too long until I can fasten the lid on properly.

Last week we had to set a goal we wanted to achieve by 4 weeks time. Some had simply put to lose some weight however small that loss may be. Some wanted to be at a certain target. I put that I wanted to lose 3lbs in the 4 weeks to achieve my first half a stone loss. My weight loss this week means that I only have a pound to go in 3 weeks to meet that target. I did think about setting something else just for myself but as I have an issue with self-sabotage I decided to leave things as they are.

This week I’ve been tackling an issue with impulse chocolate buying. A few months ago I gave up chocolate for about 8 weeks. This is before I joined WW. Despite the huge amounts of chocolate I can consume it didn’t have any effect on my weight mostly becaus ei swapped the chocolate with cake! Not the best thing to do.

I have a terrible problem of whatever is going on and I pass a shop it’s ‘Oh I’ll buy some chocolate’. So I’m in a bad mood; passa shop buy chocolate. It’s raining;pass a shop buy chocolate. I’m happy; pass a shop buy chocolate. So I’m trying to make a concious effort to not buy any when I’ve passed a shop. Especially because I don’t really want it. I bought it because there was a shop nearby.

On Wednesday I had to go itno the supermarket. We’d been talking about the Cadbury’s creme egg scandal (very important!) and I saw them in the shop. Did I really want them – no but the old me would have bought one anyway. I came out with a gossip magazine. Still not great but at least it won’t make me gain weight!

Thursday though I had an urge for sugar. I tried the magazine swap which didn’t work so I tried a bottle of diet cola. That didn’t work. About 8.30pm I gave in and bought a Mars Bar. So I’m not denying myself anything just thinking before I do anything. Sounds so simple doesn’t it??? But it isn’t always easy to do these things when you have a negative relationship with food.

But I’m learning. It’s about reeducation. It’s about learning to love yourself and also just asking what’s more important. At this minute I feel better & more positive than ever and I think it’s showing 🙂

Weight loss incentives & Pretty jar update Week 1

So through the week I posted a picture of my pretty weight loss jars full of pasta pieces as a fun way of keeping track of pounds lost. I am happy to say that in the first weigh in of the weightwatchers year I got to move 3 pieces (1.5lb equivilent) into the pounds lost forever jar.

Not sure if I could do a diet blog every week. I’m sure there are gonna be some weeks when nothing remarkable happens but I’ll see how things go and blog when I can. It’s been an interesting first week of the year. Last week I bought a diet journal and as well as tracking your food intake it asks you to set a couple of goals & for some diet priorities. I said I would track all my foods (I did until Thursday then forgot), not eat any chocolate (success), Stay out of coffee shops when in the middle of town between appointments (partial success. I went in the shops but stuck to a cup of tea – no cake!) so not too bad.

I know I need to exercise but as one of my 2015 targets is to finally sort out my finances this year meaning I can’t spend on anything essential (WW classes are essential as I need the support. I’ve spent 20 years failing to do it on my own). This means that money on exercise classes are out of the equation.

So I need to start and find some willpower and do something from home. I need to look at free or cheap options. Obviously wlaking is one of them which if I get off my backside and do it should lead to running. As one of my other goals is to talk to more people online – responding to posts etc – I joined in a discussion on a spirituality post which was about yoga. One lady kindly told me about some DVDs that she would recommend. Having a look each one is £15 which is a bit pricey but is actually the same price as only 3 exercise classes so might be worth it.

The other positive thing I did this week was to try something new. Reading a crime novel where one of the main characters was obsessed with cooking vegan food. In need of some comfort food on Thursday & thinking of the book I ended up in a lovely vegan cafe in town and had the most lovely leek & potato soup I’ve probably ever had.

So that’s this week. I’m not the perfect dieter as you can see. There are weeks when I’ll do well and weeks when I don’t but hopefully this time I will persevere and finally end up so much more healthier as a result

Weight loss incentives & pretty jars (and a spot of Maths)

The picture below is inspired by my weightloss leader. While most people start (and end) diets in January I decided to start mine at the end of November. I’m not very good at diets even though I need to lose a lot of weight. I’ve mentioned in previous blogs using food for emotional purposes linked to mental health, boredom and to punish myself. I really need to break these habits and get better.

I lost 5.5lbs but gained weight over Christmas leaving me with an overall weight loss of 2.5 lbs. However that still makes me 2.5lbs lighter at the beginning of the new year when normally I would have gained 4 or 5lbs. So I start the year in a good place.

My clubs’ leader put up a Facebook post of 2 pretty jars with marbles in. One marble for each pound she still needs to lose. I wanted to do something similar. I like the idea of one jar going down to match my weight loss and the pounds lost jar going up. But as I need to lose quite a bit of wieght rather than spend a fortune on marbles I’ve opted for using dried pasta pieces.

I need to lose a minimum of 4 stone. The last time I was less than that was before my son was born and he’s now 21. It would still leave me a little bit over the healthy weight limit but I really can’t imagine myself that slim so this target seemd like a good one and should (when!) I succeed I can look at how I feel then and any future targets.

So 4 stone equals 52 pasta pieces – 112 when you look at it in half pounds. As Weightwatchers counts those half pounds I counted out my 112 pieces. As I am 2.5lbs smaller than before that meant i could put 5 pasta peices in my jar straight away which was a nice feeling. WW has weight targets which I will work for but there are so many pieces in the jar to start with I can’t get the lid on. So my first jar target is to lose enough pounds to get that lid where it should be not teetering on the top of my pasta mountain.

I need to put some pretty labels on I think though so I don’t get the two confused

It’s a bit of fun to help the goal on it’s way. So even if I have a slow week and only lose half a pound I can still add that one piece of pasta to the ‘lost’ jar. I think it’s a great visual aid to help me as I go along

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Poetry – reading and creating

Four months ago I wrote a post about starting my 4th Open University degree course; this one in Creative Writing. It’s going well so far. The first section was about general writing and around March time I’ll learn about life writing. The next 8 weeks though I have poetry and I’m not really looking forward to it.

I remember when I was little I had a few poetry books- my favourites were When I am 6 by AA Milne and a book by Shel Silverstein. Childish and nonsense poems and yet more than 30 years on these are still the only poems that stand out to me. I’ve studied poetry throughout school and then again several times over the last few years on this course. I’ve read and studied sonnets, learned about the horrors of war from Wilfred Owen and escapism from racism in early 20th century  America from Langston Hughes. I’ve read (and tried not to fall asleep – sorry) about the majesty and breathtaking scenery of the Romantic greats. And still my favourite poem is about a man who has forgotten to wear his pants.

I’ve tried to write a few poems and so far have managed a couple about school. One could be classed as escaping the uniformity of teenage girls and the way society insists on a ‘perfect’ image for our youngsters. Mostly though it was just because I liked her shoes.

I have a half finished poem about a witch trying to cast a spell which will enable her daughter to find the perfect man. It’s still though quite sing-song-y and a bit innocent. Funny how my main writing often covers traumatic real life events, mental health problems and more yet ask me to write you a poem and all I want to do is make you laugh.

I have to do a poetry assignment in February – either one long 40 line poem or several smaller ones that add up to 40 lines and my thoughts and inspiration for it so far centres around the circus. Again it seems like I may be trapped in an 8 year olds body where rhyme is concerned. I only hope my tutor isn’t looking for the new Wordsworth…