Ditching the diet and enjoying life

I have spent around half my life on a diet of some kind yet I am the same weight as I was 5 years ago and only a stone over the weight I was after giving birth 22 years ago. So last weekend I decided that it was time to let go and ditch the diet and let go.

I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last few months to prepare for the training I need to become a spiritual healer. I’ve gotten my finances into some kind of order and ditched the stress of worrying about money. I’ve learned to love myself and accept who I am flaws and all yet letting go of the weighing scales proved quite difficult.

We’re indoctrinated from an early age these days to be a certain way, dress a certain way and behave a certain way otherwise you don’t fit in societies norms. I’ve done so well at breaking out of these and this I feel is the last one. That’s not to say I don’t want to be slimmer.

A friend asked me at the weekend if I actually wanted to lose weight and it dawned on me that no one has ever asked that question before. They’ve told me to lose weight, insinuated I should, made out the whole world would be better if we were all skinny or without meaning to passed on their own fears by discussing them constantly. And I’ve gone along with that for so long I’d no idea what I actually wanted for myself.

So this week I’ve given it some thought. I’d be lying if I said I wanted to be slimmer but not the magazine image woman just maybe a dress size. I’d like to be fitter/healthier and I’ve started on that with the 10k steps a day (see earlier posts) but actually I don’t want to be on a diet.

When I diet or rather pretty much every day I count every little thing I eat until I become rebellious and binge. The diet groups will tell you all food is fine to eat but as it’s all pointed in some description or other (points, sins, calories) if you eat 3 kit kats in one day you are living on lettuce leaves to make up for it and keep within allowances.

So it’s all gone. I’ve put the diet books on ebay. I’ve spent a fortune on cook books from various diets and never used any of them so time for them to go. I’ve eaten what I want this week and found that it isn’t any different to diet weeks. I have managed to take my own lunches to work and only buy a tea from a cafe in between appointments rather than lunch or lunch and cake so that’s an improvement straight away.

I did wonder this morning if not dieting had resulted in a weight loss so there’s obviously still a way to go to break the diet cycle but I’m pleased with what I’ve managed this week. I haven’t actually stood on the scales to answer this question.

It’s been quite nice to look at my food and not worry about where it fits into a pre-set schedule or if it will mean eating less at dinner time. I think it’s possible to spend so much time worrying about food that you forget to notice everything else. Food can look wonderful, smell divine and taste amazing but you don’t notice that when you’re too busy going through the points book to see if you can eat it!

So this is enough part of my journey, another way I hope to improve my life and live a little better. I’m looking forward to seeing how it changes my view of everything

Lucy – short story

Originally submitted as part of the Soul & Spirit magazine competition (I didn’t win…)

Lucy

Lucy was dreading going to the party. While she loved her sister very much, the fact that she was marrying the best friend of the man who broke her heart and left her feeling worthless was not helping her rebuild her social life at all. She really didn’t know what to do. Kayla was trying to be understanding but it was very hard to get her and especially Rob, the groom, to understand her claims of abuse when there had never been any tell-tale signs. Lucy was sure more people would believe her if she’d been sporting bruises but as she had mainly been worn down by years of being made to feel worthless and useless the scars had been on the inside.

It had been six months since she’d found the courage to walk away from her marriage and in that time she’d re-discovered her old lust for life. Spending several years as a stay at home mum she’d needed work experience before she was able to find a job in the current economic climate and so now when she dropped the kids off at nursery she went next door to the school to help out 2 mornings as a teaching assistant. She’d coloured her hair and bought one or two new items of clothing and really was feeling like a new woman and full of excitement of what she could start to achieve.

The engagement party was threatening to ruin that; all her hopes and fears came flooding back the moment she got the invite. But how could she not go? It was her sister’s party and anyway she had just as much a right to be there as he did. She mulled this over on her way home from the school trying to work out how she could best move forward with her problem.

Lucy had always been a spiritual girl, she firmly believed there was life beyond what you could see and feel. She wished she’d had a guardian angel to look after her when she was married and yet when she had plucked up that initial courage to leave she’d felt there was someone else with her. There’s been a warm feeling that gave her courage when her resolve was failing and helped her go through with what needed to be done. That day she’d found a beautiful pure white feather on her doorstep and took it as a sign that maybe her wish for a guardian angel was real.

Arriving home she spotted something fluttering in the bushes next to her door. And there it was; another white feather. She looked around her hoping to get a glimpse of her angel but instead there was nothing but that warm glow all around her. That’s when she knew everything was going to be ok, she could face her ex and be strong and that no matter what she could attend the party safe in the knowledge she would be protected after all.