I have spent around half my life on a diet of some kind yet I am the same weight as I was 5 years ago and only a stone over the weight I was after giving birth 22 years ago. So last weekend I decided that it was time to let go and ditch the diet and let go.
I’ve done a lot of work on myself over the last few months to prepare for the training I need to become a spiritual healer. I’ve gotten my finances into some kind of order and ditched the stress of worrying about money. I’ve learned to love myself and accept who I am flaws and all yet letting go of the weighing scales proved quite difficult.
We’re indoctrinated from an early age these days to be a certain way, dress a certain way and behave a certain way otherwise you don’t fit in societies norms. I’ve done so well at breaking out of these and this I feel is the last one. That’s not to say I don’t want to be slimmer.
A friend asked me at the weekend if I actually wanted to lose weight and it dawned on me that no one has ever asked that question before. They’ve told me to lose weight, insinuated I should, made out the whole world would be better if we were all skinny or without meaning to passed on their own fears by discussing them constantly. And I’ve gone along with that for so long I’d no idea what I actually wanted for myself.
So this week I’ve given it some thought. I’d be lying if I said I wanted to be slimmer but not the magazine image woman just maybe a dress size. I’d like to be fitter/healthier and I’ve started on that with the 10k steps a day (see earlier posts) but actually I don’t want to be on a diet.
When I diet or rather pretty much every day I count every little thing I eat until I become rebellious and binge. The diet groups will tell you all food is fine to eat but as it’s all pointed in some description or other (points, sins, calories) if you eat 3 kit kats in one day you are living on lettuce leaves to make up for it and keep within allowances.
So it’s all gone. I’ve put the diet books on ebay. I’ve spent a fortune on cook books from various diets and never used any of them so time for them to go. I’ve eaten what I want this week and found that it isn’t any different to diet weeks. I have managed to take my own lunches to work and only buy a tea from a cafe in between appointments rather than lunch or lunch and cake so that’s an improvement straight away.
I did wonder this morning if not dieting had resulted in a weight loss so there’s obviously still a way to go to break the diet cycle but I’m pleased with what I’ve managed this week. I haven’t actually stood on the scales to answer this question.
It’s been quite nice to look at my food and not worry about where it fits into a pre-set schedule or if it will mean eating less at dinner time. I think it’s possible to spend so much time worrying about food that you forget to notice everything else. Food can look wonderful, smell divine and taste amazing but you don’t notice that when you’re too busy going through the points book to see if you can eat it!
So this is enough part of my journey, another way I hope to improve my life and live a little better. I’m looking forward to seeing how it changes my view of everything