Yesterday I wrote about increasing my online presence. The idea of stopping self imposed invisibility and re-declaring my existence is you have to do a bit of soul searching and turns out no one is perfect and we all make mistakes.
I thought last year that some friends were taking me for f=granted and if I wasn’t the person who did everything and arranged everything would they still be my friend? So I stopped being the planner and not surprisingly they ghosted me out of their lives. Hurts but so does a one sided friendship.
However on the other side being invisible by choice I’ve not always got it right. I was getting angry because for me a group of friends don’t seem to do much beyond a regular get together. I got made because I don’t think they text me enough or want to spend time with me outside these meet ups. Some soul searching later and I realised how often do I text them? I remember once winning some cinema tickets and inviting them to share in this with me. Looking that film up it came out in 2011!!!!!
Last year I won a Body Shop party. I had to invite 8 people plus myself. With a monthly meal group I have and my best friend I instantly have the 8. I put the details in a whatsapp group then panicked and withdrew the invite and didn’t have the party. Why???
I got a little bit anxious, my anxiety is so much less than it became at its worst but it still flares up. Maybe people have the same thoughts in the fear that nobody will say yes, no one will turn up, no one will like the ideas? Someone has to step up and make the first move so maybe I should pick the baton a while. If it doesn’t work it’s an idea I tried at least.
Instead of getting angry and phasing people out I should find ways to phase them in more? Instead of ghosting out of events I need to make a concerted effort to be in them.
I’m adding it to the visibility action plan. As with yesterday and social media. How can people know who I am if I don’t talk to anyone? I grumble that I have nothing to say but actually I don’t say anything. In November someone asked me if I had any holiday plans for 2018. At the time (before money went a bit wonky for both me and a friend) I was planning trips to London, Ibiza and Euro-Disney. What did I answer?? I said I had no plans…..
Currently sat here mentally slapping myself!
Then I complained later to someone else everyone was talking about holidays and not including me. This is what mental health issues & anxiety does to you and this is another area to focus on. But I’m aware of it now so I can change, I can make amends and I can make sure that I answer questions truthfully even if my heart rate has doubled and I’m freaking out. Because not doing so is even worse.