Many moons ago when I left my abusive husband I was left with a house that needed a lot of work. I remember rolling up my sleeves and putting up skirting boards and dado rail on the walls, building door frames and re-tiling a bathroom wall amongst other things. With a little help from my step-mum I taught myself to wallpaper not just the walls but the ceilings too. I even laid a few carpets.
But over the years the I Can’t mentality has crept in. In a conversation with my friend yesterday I mentioned seeing an old sideboard in a charity shop that would look great if stripped down and re-varnished and would also need a couple of new handles. The unit was only £20. Then straight away I said oh but I’m not good at that kind of thing.
She, quite rightly, called me on this and I thought about all the things above I have done before. I’ve no idea where this fear of failure came from with DIY. Once upon a time I’d relish the challenge. Now twenty years on my house needs a lot of work again. I laid out this massive plan for my garden yesterday, some of which could be done for myself but also made me think about how deep down my imagination for interior (and exterior) is still there.
So today after doing the boring household jobs I’m going to re-seal the kitchen work tops and a couple of windows where the sealant has come away (the cat likes to pick at it) because I know that I CAN do these things. I’ve done similar before. If I can stick wood to a wall I can make sure my sink is sealed. And then next week I’m going to do the same to the bathroom.
I’ve a huge list of things that need doing but as with everything else I’ve let my self esteem issues ruin my confidence and stop me achieving even small tasks. BUT! not anymore. I’ve proven I can do many things in just the last 2 months. I’ve proven I can do the DIY 2 decades ago. I’m going to take control of my house and stop the negative thoughts as soon as the job needs doing. Me and my friend talked about challenging each other when the I Can’ts kick in. I need to do the same to myself when I look at a job and think it’s too hard when really I’ve shown myself in the past it isn’t. I’ll have the house I want and deserve in no time.