Loving yourself in style

I’ve just finished a book called Loving Yourself in Style by Shabana Feroze. It’s made me think yet again how depression, anxiety and debt have taken away a lot of what used to make me…me and leave a bit of a shell in it’s place.

There’s quite a bit of information despite being a small book. One section in there is about style. I used to have quite defined style; as a teenager it was all about the bands that I loved and being a rock chick with a bit of 1950’s thrown in. Then as I aged it became a mix of rock chick with 1940’s and 50’s. I love those eras; the music and the styles.

I lost a lot of this when I had my breakdown in 2010. I put on loads of weight and didn’t feel the confidence to wear the clothes I loved. Instead I ended up wearing smart work clothes and jeans/Tee’s day wear. Casual, comfortable and reeking of invisibility.

When reading the book my first thoughts were to shout ‘But I can’t afford it’, my life is on hold until 2020 when the debts are cleared and my money is my own again.

Are you tired of seeing posts where I say this? I’m annoying myself with it. A later chapter though talks about money and starting small. Ok I can’t go out and buy a whole new wardrobe or pay for events to meet like minded people. However I can try and put a few pounds away each month to be able to afford something form ebay or a vintage shop. I can still listen to the music which I have been doing all weekend). I also found a cafe nearby that is based around 50’s rock n’roll that put on special nights for £3. These are things I can do while I work towards my debt free goal.

I was speaking to a friend about restarting her life this week as a series of baby steps and it’s something I need to take on board myself. We discovered one cinema has halved it’s ticket prices and with a 2 for 1 offer on Wednesdays we can see movies for £2.50 each. Another way to have a little bit of a life for little costs.

The answers are out there if you fight the negative brain talk and look around to see what is out there. So I’m going to try and embrace life (within it’s financial constraints) and remember how to have  little fun and rediscover a style that makes my heart sing


World Cup Fever

First you may have noticed the daily post challenge stopped. I woke up one day and thought ‘no’ I don’t want to do it anymore. I felt like I was repeating myself a lot. I’m a big believer that if something isn’t making you happy or giving you what you want to stop it so I did.

I haven’t missed it and up until now I haven;t really thought about anything to write. And now I have 2 things! I’ll write the other one in a few days as I want to give it more thought.

So World Cup! I’ve been reading whilst the Russia v Egypt game is on and having a  bit of a think. It’s also my birthday today which always gives me a day of reflection. As a young girl I loved football. I supported my home team (Leeds) and one I thought at the time was glamorous (Spurs) and then the national side England. I only ever went to one or two games but I went to a few championship ceremonies – the ones where teams get to ride the bus through the streets. I could even explain the offside rule! (sort of)

Then as with so many things once  developed depression it all disappeared. This happened with so many things and I always thought they’d never come back. Some things did, some are obviously taking a lot of time 🙂

I watched the odd game but then along comes 2018 world cup. So far I’m on my 4th game. That’s probably 4 more than the last 4 years in total. Quite often I’ve found it makes for good background noise while I read but I have enjoyed it being on. Plus it’s been quite fun to see what I remember.

Another nice side effect are the conversations with my son. He’s autistic and until he was around 5 was non-verbal. Even now he’s not big on conversation but he works in football as an analyst so this is his world. We’ve had some lovely little football related chats.

Actually while typing this I got distracted by a post about trampolining – something else I excelled at as a youth that I then forgot about as an adult but would love to start doing again (I swear I can’t wait for this debt plan to be over, there are so many things I want to do)

It’s nice when you can bond with people. I’ve had the chats with my son which were more technical and the chats with a few people online that were more aesthetic. It’s all fun whichever way you look at it.

So come on England (but also come on Iran as I have them in the office sweepstake!)