365 Day Blog challenge Day 78 – Single Girl Problems #365daychallenge

It’s February; Valentines month so there may be a few romance based blog posts this month. I’ve just finished a book called Single Girl Problems and I’ll link to the book blog at the end.

There’s part of it though that resonates with me and that is that the general public think a woman, especially an older one if she is single then she must be unhappy or searching for a husband.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve been single for a while and I know why and am working on it but I don’t have the desperate desire to get married (tried it, didn’t like it) or have more babies (my son is grown up. I’m not the maternal type and my biological clock isn’t really bothered) and I actually love my life. In societies eyes I am so weird….

I meet a bunch of friends every month and there’s 8 of us. Out of the 8, 4 are married, 1 in a long term relationship and 3 singles. Guaranteed every time we meet someone will ask me are there any men on the horizon. Good job I’m straight really because it never occurs to them to ask if there’s a woman on the horizon. Just simply- have you found a man yet. Are you looking?

I have a successful job, I have a mortgage (lets ignore my financial issues) and I have a lot of freedom in my life. When I question back about not needing to be in a relationship they say they just want me to be happy…..

Because without that husband how can I not be anything else but unhappy?

It drives me bonkers. And it just doesn’t resonate with them (and there are others) that there could be any other way. We’re in the 21st century but there’s a lot of people still stuck in the 19th.

I have no idea how to get them to listen short of tattoo it on my forehead. I was once told (not by these friends) that as I’d been single for a while I may as well concentrate o my career because I had nothing else going for me. That was a family member! It’s no wonder I don’t confide in people.

I think I’ll just continue to carry on as I am. I’ll work on my issues and I’ll search for a partner in the way I want and a way that makes me comfortable. I’ll start a relationship because I want to and not because of peer pressure. And I’ll just block the others out. They have blinkers on and no matter the discussions I have I can’t change their minds.

I do have people I can confide in and I’ll talk my issues over with them. Thank heavens for at least one open minded friend 🙂

Single Girl Problems book review:

Single Girl Problems

 

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365 Day Blog challenge Day 58 – Volunteering #365daychallenge

I’ve been thinking a bit about volunteering lately as it’s something I want to do this year. It has to be for a cause that means something to you as otherwise you’ll just not stick with it.

When my son was small I volunteered as a Cubs and Scouts helper. I really enjoyed it and loved seeing the young people blossom. Once he grew out of it I tried with girl Guides and it didn’t have the same effect. The girls seemed less engaged and the leaders were very disorganised. One of my co-workers is a Brownie leader so I know that this was a one off but I left as soon as I could

I’ve been thinking about some environment based volunteering. Another work colleague has recently been involved in cleaning her local beach of plastic that has been littered by people. In the UK we have a TV show called Blue Planet and the recent series showed the harm that littering plastics can do to animals. As much as this interests me I’m in between the East & West Coast, don’t drive and all the volunteering options I could find were for tiny village beaches I’d struggle to get to.

So I think for that I’d have to look and see what my options are closer to home.

Some volunteering I have been successful with is the Suffrage Centenary celebrations. It’s a 100 years this year that (some) women were allowed to vote. As a result the various government departments are having a relay across the UK and Ireland to celebrate. There’s a flag that will travel this route. Leeds, where I live, is a Suffrage City one of the original few cities where The Women’s Social and Political Union (WSPU) had a base. There are a bunch of us going to take part, organise events for a week in October and no doubt you will see the results in a blog closer to the time

I’ve always had a keen interest in politics and social policy building so this is something that i feel I really can get behind and support. I’m looking forward to what happens next

What a Girl Wants

I haven’t written anything in a few weeks – not a blog, piece of fiction or even a bad poem. Some of it is simply because I’ve been out and about enjoying the sun, spending time with family and friends and also working on my family tree. My new OU course has started as well.

But I’ve also spent a fair bit of time brooding on this “flat heart” business (see blog Talking about a Revolution) and how I can start letting more people in. I find that if I have an issue (even one I’m not fully aware of at the time) that I end up dreaming about it. They are never straightforward dreams or ones that make any sense. One of the latest ones involved me training for the Olympics along with my sister and daughter. Well I don’t have a sister or a daughter and it’s fair to say I don’t do exercise very well either!

Apparently to dream of a daughter or sister when you don’t have one in real life means you have to start “acknowledging your femininity”!!!

Eh????

This has sent me off on a bit of a thought process. What exactly makes a woman feminine?? I’m not a tomboy – I wear dresses, make up, paint my nails. I even own things in pink. My outside definitely says I am a girl. So if it’s not physical, can it be a psychological issue?

So how do you acknowledge your femininity internally? I’ve asked a few other women and all but one define it as physical things – the clothes and accessories. My mother – always one to offer outside the box thinking – said “well you’ve always had to do things for yourself so you’ve forgotten how to ask for help”. What does that mean? Well, apparently it means stop being She-Ra (80’s child alert!!) and find a guy who enjoys being He-Man and doing all the hard work. According to mother that’s most of them.

But…doesn’t that go against feminism and the right to be equal? Batting my eyelashes at the next door neighbour to get him to cut my grass (yes I tried it) felt weird but it did work. I’ve never actually thought of myself as a feminist until this discussion and I’m still not actually sure if I am one. I’m curious though – did the bra burners of the 60’s or the Suffragettes (who I’ll be studying in a few weeks) have their public protests then go home and play ickle wickle girl to their patners to get them to put some shelves up??

I put this theory to my best friend yesterday and she seems to think it’s true. That the way to a man’s’ heart is not through the clichéd stomach but by letting him have free reign over the power tools…

This week then I’ve discovered some principles I didn’t realise I had and now have to look at this and see how I can work with it and use it towards sorting out my patchy love life. And I’m still not sure what actually makes a woman feminine? I think maybe I have a research project to work onJ