Stronger

Today was my second day going to the gym.

Back in 2015 I had numerous health and mental health worries (bit like this year) that resulted in issues with my left arm and unable to use it properly. Quite often I could barely carry a handbag on my left side. It took a good year before I could finally use it properly. Having depression I’ve had plenty of lows n my life but that was probably one of the worst as I knew I was strong physically.

So it’s been wonderful these past two times to rediscover that strength and power. It’s a great feeling to be able to use the machines.

Tonight I also got the details of the low sugar diet the gym uses. I know about avoiding fake sugars such as those used in cakes and sweets but I’m no good at knowing what are the worst carbs that turn to sugars.

I’ve my third induction session tomorrow then I’m let loose to use the machines myself with a review in about 6 weeks time and weekly weigh ins. I’m looking forward to it and, certainly in recent times, never thought I’d be saying that.

 

 

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On The Up #mentalhealth #wellbeing

There’s been a big difference already since the last post. Now I’ve admitted (to myself as much as others) that I’ve been struggling with my mental health and taken steps to put into action some support I already feel much better.

Everyone handles their mental health issues in different ways but for me I need to be active and so on Monday I went back to work. I’m no good at sitting at home, I just brood on stuff and make it worse.

I’m a big believer in positivity and that positive thoughts breed positive actions and I’ve found that by thinking positive this week and talking to people about changes that need to be made that events have turned up to help me do just that. The universe is listening.

I had a really good chat with my manager who is turning out to be really supportive. I’m ambitious so we’ve been looking at ways to stretch myself without making myself ill.

I’m actually looking forward to my next gym session. Until Sundays induction I had never been in a gym (always done exercise classes) as I found them intimidating but this one I think will work for me. I’ve kept up my 10,000 steps in between and feel really well within my body.

And then lastly (it is only Wednesday) our sports and social club have started a ‘staycation’ event over the summer basically offering lots of little events that you can do. I’ve signed up for 3 walks around the city centre and some crafting. One is making book marks and the other is teabag paper folder. I have no clue! But they sound like fun. I’ve not done neither of these things before and it actually fits in with my 4 point plan from the occupational health consultant.

So a big turnaround from this time last week when I found it difficult to leave the house and I’m looking forward to the rest of the week.

There’s been a big difference already since the last post. Now I’ve admitted (to myself as much as others) that I’ve been struggling with my mental health and taken steps to put into action some support I already feel much better.

Everyone handles their mental health issues in different ways but for me I need to be active and so on Monday I went back to work. I’m no good at sitting at home, I just brood on stuff and make it worse.

I’m a big believer in positivity and that positive thoughts breed positive actions and I’ve found that by thinking positive this week and talking to people about changes that need to be made that events have turned up to help me do just that. The universe is listening.

I had a really good chat with my manager who is turning out to be really supportive. I’m ambitious so we’ve been looking at ways to stretch myself without making myself ill.

I’m actually looking forward to my next gym session. Until Sundays induction I had never been in a gym (always done exercise classes) as I found them intimidating but this one I think will work for me. I’ve kept up my 10,000 steps in between and feel really well within my body.

And then lastly (it is only Wednesday) our sports and social club have started a ‘staycation’ event over the summer basically offering lots of little events that you can do. I’ve signed up for 3 walks around the city centre and some crafting. One is making book marks and the other is teabag paper folder. I have no clue! But they sound like fun. I’ve not done neither of these things before and it actually fits in with my 4 point plan from the occupational health consultant.

So a big turnaround from this time last week when I found it difficult to leave the house and I’m looking forward to the rest of the week.

Meltdowns and gyms

It’s been a rough week. It started on Monday when, after a trip for a medical check up, I had the mother of all anxiety attacks and couldn’t then go back to work for the rest of the week. I’ve been so busy concentrating on anxiety I’d not spotted the signs that my depression was on an upswing and this week has just been the culmination of everything.

Having had a week to thing the warning signs have been there since the beginning of the year but if you read the daily blogs I was doing I’ve been so caught up in trying to work on dietary and physical needs I think I’ve not paid enough attention to the mental ones. It’s just so easy to fall back into some patterns.

I’m an action orientated gal though and once I spot a problem I’m good at working out what to do to fix it. The civil service gets a bad rap for many things (and often rightly so) but they do have an excellent benefits package which includes a consultation with an Occupational Therapist and 6 free counselling sessions.

I’ve had a meeting with an occupational therapist who gave me the green light to work  and am just waiting for the start date for the counselling. I also have a 4 point plan that looks after the physical, dietary and mental sides of life.

One of those is exercise. This is a funny one. I was good at it at school (although admittedly lazy) and as an adult I’ve done plenty of zumba, aerobics and aqua aerobics lessons. The aqua one is great for building up biceps – I had some cracking looking arms with that one. But with all things when the depression kicks in it’s easy to stop doing it.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently and this scare has given me the kick up the arse to sort something out. So today was my gym induction. This is a newer one for me as I’ve always done classes before. The interesting thing for me was remembering I’m actually quite strong. Way back when I was young my dad wanted me to learn judo with him and my brother as did his tutors because I am a lot tougher and stronger than I look. However I was a young tween and more interested in music and boys so that didn’t happen.

A couple of years ago I tried boxercise and that’s another thing that’s been rattling around my head for the past few weeks so once the gym side is up and running I think I might look into going back to that. I’ve got strength; I should work out how to use it to my advantage.

I was so fired up after the induction I walked the 2 miles home. For some reason I changed out of my leggings into jeans before doing it so obviously my brain isn’t still quite working properly but hey ho.

So the week started horrendously but I’ve ended it with a 4 point plan to get better and the desire to do what it asks of me. Lets hope for a better week next week.

Budgeting Success

If you’ve been following this blog for a while you’ll know I have debt issues and am trying to work out the best way to budget for myself.  I have a debt repayment plan and my household bills and food budget is always covered but I rarely make it from one month to the next without having to borrow  or swap money around.

I tried keeping all my spare cash in a tub and just taking as i needed it – didn’t work.

I tried dividing into weeks and only using a weekly allowance – didn’t work.

So this month I tried in days. I had so much per day and that had to cover treats like a cafe drink plus the usual bread and milk. Anything left at the end of the day went in the tub. If needed I could use the tub money and mostly I did. It went on food.

And yesterday at the end of the month I had £1 left over. One whole pound. If you’ve never had money problems you may not understand how proud I am of that little pound. I’d had 2 birthdays (mine and my sons) I’d had a week off work and a trip to NOrth Yorkshire. I even went to the cinema. And I never had to borrow. I didn’t have to juggle money at the end of the month.

I made conscious decisions every day. On my week off I rounded the money into the whole week with the thought that I’d need more on the day trip but less whilst at home. The rest of the time I asked myself constantly if I needed to spend. That £1 is now in a savings tin. I have one of those where the only way to open it is with a can opener.

It stops me taking cash out and overspending. This is what I used to do when I had depressive days and how I ended up in trouble. I tried it last year with just loose change and the result was £90 saved in 2017. However because I was still struggling with the budgeting it didn’t last long. I intend to leave as long as possible this time and either use it for Xmas gifts or if I can avoid that save for something nice.

I can’t say it’s a perfect plan as it’s only been one month. I’m going to try it again and see what successes I can achieve in July

365 Day Blog challenge Day 185 Let’s Do This #365daychallenge

Let’s Do This…..

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said that this month.

‘I need to reduce my sugar intake again; Let’s do this’

‘I need to walk more; Let’s do this’

‘I need to restart my moisturising regime; Let’s do this’

And yet I haven’t done any of it. I really seem, after the brilliant start I had to this year to have lost motivation. I think about what I need to do then I’m not actually doing it.

I’m definitely at that self sabotage stage. I’m 2lbs off my next target and I know from past behaviour that when I get to significant targets I end up unconsciously putting up barriers to achieving this. I wrote some posts at the beginning of the year about the need to be invisible and that some of the sabotage was linked to this but I’ve taken lots of steps since then to combat that. I definitely think more about achieving goals than ever before.

One positive point this time is I am aware that I’m doing it. I’ve managed my inner battles with anxiety and self esteem to the point where my weight has stayed steady at the lower end rather than me gaining all over again so that is a huge plus point for this year. And another one; despite an increase in sugar I still haven’t had any chocolate so that is definitely one battle won.

I just need to work out that trigger to get me moving again.

I’ve had very little sugar this week but I have overcompensated with bread so I need to look at alternatives for boredom eating. Toast is not the answer J

I’m shopping at the weekend so will stock up on fruit and sugar-free jelly.

It’s a bank holiday and I have some walking plans. I still have those 5 minute exercise routines saved on my sky+ box but I have a tendency to forget they are there. I may have to set a reminder on my phone until it becomes habit to do it.

I’ve developed some good habits this year and got rid of some bad ones so I know it’s possible to do this. I also know from experience now that for all the messing about once I achieve the mini-targets the motivation comes back to go further and get at least ¾ of the way to the next one. I just need to find my missing mojo.

I will keep pushing on through and congratulating myself on achievements – being stuck now doesn’t negate the hard work and success that I already have

So again – Let’s Do This 🙂

365 Day Blog challenge Day 180 Meaningful May: People #365daychallenge

According to tomorrow’s Action for Happiness Meaningful May calendar the action is to spend some face to face time with people who matter. Tomorrow is also the royal wedding and some big boxing event and the FA Cup football finals so I intend to avoid all social media where possible (except for writing this blog) and go hide in the woods or somewhere peaceful. So I did tomorrow’s action today.

My friend became a grandma 8 months ago. She invited myself and another friend to come and have a coffee and lunch with her and her daughters and the lovely baby. We all met in the coffee shop and just had a couple of hours with no intrusions from the real world. Lots of talk about the new baby and our grown up babies. Catching up on life.

Sometimes it’s good to switch off for a while, let go of life’s daily stresses and strains and focus on the good or in our case the little boy who is wanting to stand up and move and see everything with his innocent eyes.

So I’m totally at peace today. I’ve had a meaningful afternoon and am nice and chilled out. All fired up for ignoring the TV tomorrow 🙂