365 Day Blog challenge Day 186 Goddess #365daychallenge

Been a long day of people performance planning so it’s curling up time with a good book and relaxing. The meme below may be about being a Goddess but nothing wrong with the guys embracing their inner power either 🙂

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365 Day Blog challenge Day 185 Let’s Do This #365daychallenge

Let’s Do This…..

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said that this month.

‘I need to reduce my sugar intake again; Let’s do this’

‘I need to walk more; Let’s do this’

‘I need to restart my moisturising regime; Let’s do this’

And yet I haven’t done any of it. I really seem, after the brilliant start I had to this year to have lost motivation. I think about what I need to do then I’m not actually doing it.

I’m definitely at that self sabotage stage. I’m 2lbs off my next target and I know from past behaviour that when I get to significant targets I end up unconsciously putting up barriers to achieving this. I wrote some posts at the beginning of the year about the need to be invisible and that some of the sabotage was linked to this but I’ve taken lots of steps since then to combat that. I definitely think more about achieving goals than ever before.

One positive point this time is I am aware that I’m doing it. I’ve managed my inner battles with anxiety and self esteem to the point where my weight has stayed steady at the lower end rather than me gaining all over again so that is a huge plus point for this year. And another one; despite an increase in sugar I still haven’t had any chocolate so that is definitely one battle won.

I just need to work out that trigger to get me moving again.

I’ve had very little sugar this week but I have overcompensated with bread so I need to look at alternatives for boredom eating. Toast is not the answer J

I’m shopping at the weekend so will stock up on fruit and sugar-free jelly.

It’s a bank holiday and I have some walking plans. I still have those 5 minute exercise routines saved on my sky+ box but I have a tendency to forget they are there. I may have to set a reminder on my phone until it becomes habit to do it.

I’ve developed some good habits this year and got rid of some bad ones so I know it’s possible to do this. I also know from experience now that for all the messing about once I achieve the mini-targets the motivation comes back to go further and get at least ¾ of the way to the next one. I just need to find my missing mojo.

I will keep pushing on through and congratulating myself on achievements – being stuck now doesn’t negate the hard work and success that I already have

So again – Let’s Do This 🙂

365 Day Blog challenge Day 180 Meaningful May: People #365daychallenge

According to tomorrow’s Action for Happiness Meaningful May calendar the action is to spend some face to face time with people who matter. Tomorrow is also the royal wedding and some big boxing event and the FA Cup football finals so I intend to avoid all social media where possible (except for writing this blog) and go hide in the woods or somewhere peaceful. So I did tomorrow’s action today.

My friend became a grandma 8 months ago. She invited myself and another friend to come and have a coffee and lunch with her and her daughters and the lovely baby. We all met in the coffee shop and just had a couple of hours with no intrusions from the real world. Lots of talk about the new baby and our grown up babies. Catching up on life.

Sometimes it’s good to switch off for a while, let go of life’s daily stresses and strains and focus on the good or in our case the little boy who is wanting to stand up and move and see everything with his innocent eyes.

So I’m totally at peace today. I’ve had a meaningful afternoon and am nice and chilled out. All fired up for ignoring the TV tomorrow 🙂

365 Day Blog challenge Day 178 Mental Health Awareness Week #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek #365daychallenge


So today I did a thing….

My first day back at work after a week off and straight into a team meeting I’d helped to plan. The post-lunch energiser was to have come to the meeting with 4 or 5 songs that you felt represented you and we had 15-20 minute doing some arts and crafts decorating our CD of the songs. Then we had to talk about why we picked them. When it came to my turn I explained I’d picked songs based on the 2 parts of my personality; on the one hand I’m one of the most laid back people you might meet, on the other side I have a Sever Anxiety Disorder.

I’ve flirted around the subject between a few of the team but never sat and said it out loud with it’s full title to everyone. I was less anxious than you might think. I’d planned the songs and what I wanted to say so just came out with it.

I was sat opposite my bosses boss and he was nodding and smiling the whole time which made me feel good. Then the host of that segment discussed her songs and the energiser was over. I didn’t expect a conversation and we didn’t get one. I also had the following exercise in the meeting so could move the meeting along at my pace.

My exercise was for everyone to think of one nice word or phrase to give to each member of the team. This way at the end each person should have had 13 positive words about themselves and we were going to reflect on this. Often what we think we are  can be all negative and it can surprise you what others think of you. As the host of this exercise I didn’t take part so it was a nice surprise that 11 of the team gave me words.

Three people gave me the word ‘brave’ with one colleague saying it was in response to admitting my S.A.D. Going back to how others see you I didn’t feel brave, I was feeling determined. There’s a big thing at the civil service called ‘I can be me’ with people with disabilities, faiths and sexuality writing blogs about these things and how it affects them. I write this blog, I don’t need to write one for work but I do want to within my team free to ‘be me’.

Of course the next steps are important, how my line management team follow up on this. What I want to happen is for them to say ok fine and move on. What I don’t want is for them to not offer me opportunities because they think I couldn’t cope. That should be for me to decide.

I summed that up (I hope) with one of my song choices: So What by Pink. The line So what, I’m still a rock star is the mantra I live by. So what… I have anxiety but it doesn’t define me. I think I’ve found a work team that accept that 🙂


365 Day Blog challenge Day 176 Starting Again #365daychallenge

I’ve noticed over the last couple of months that my sugar consumption is creeping up. I still haven’t had the chocolate and I’ve not had the fizzy drinks but I have had more biscuits than I should have and too many times I’ve ordered a cake or pastry when buying something in a shop.

Cutting it out as much as possible in January did wonders for my health and I obviously haven’t been paying enough attention to my behaviours for it to creep in again and I don’t want to keep making excuses to myself. I started the reduction of sugary products yesterday and keep thinking I need something sugary in the afternoons but I’m on leave from work for 6 days so I’m sure it’s just a boredom eating thing. I’m not hungry. I need to find more things to do!

The other thing I’ve let slip is a beauty regime. At one point I got myself into a really good routine of moisturising, using toners and so on and it’s lapsed. I keep saying I will do something about starting this again as it did help my skin but I haven’t. Again no excuses except my own laziness. So from tonight the creams are coming back out.

I remember at the beginning of the year watching something called Fat;The Fight of your Life or something similar. These people had often 10 or more stone to lose and first of all started off doing amazing then had a relapse. Some then picked themselves up and continued their journeys, some sadly gave up. At the time everything was going great for me so I couldn’t understand the lapse but now I can.

Magazines just tell you the success stories to sell whatever product they are peddling. They don’t tell you how hard it is to continuously carry on thinking about your weight, your body and what you need to do to change things. No one is perfect and set backs will happen. The key is whether you pick yourself up or give up. I refuse to give up so I have to accept that my journey won’t be perfect and every so often I’ll have to regroup and start again in some way. I’ve come so far though this year to stop now and for the first time in many, many years I don’t want to.

So new start, fresh start, onwards and upwards 🙂

365 Day Blog challenge Day 174 To-do lists #365daychallenge

I wrote a blog the other day that said I was rubbish at getting things done because I’m too laid back. It also mentioned that I was going to try and stick to the goals that I had committed to this month.

Well I have not only stuck to my goals but have completed them 2 weeks early! The grass is cut (and will need more work but I’ve at least done the bit I said I would), the cupboard has been de-cluttered and painted and I’ve cleaned out the shed. This then gives me lots of time to myself for the rest of May but also means I should probably start a to-do list for the garden.

I’ve still got 3 days left before I go back to work. I finished my story for my end of module university assignment and have roughly 300 words left to do of the commentary and my references so I’m even ahead of myself in that as it doesn’t need to be sent in for another 12 days.

I would like to say I will be really good at sticking to targets in future but I’d be lying. At the minute I’m just trying to harness the positivity and energy I have at the minute.