365 Day Blog challenge Day 185 Let’s Do This #365daychallenge

Let’s Do This…..

I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve said that this month.

‘I need to reduce my sugar intake again; Let’s do this’

‘I need to walk more; Let’s do this’

‘I need to restart my moisturising regime; Let’s do this’

And yet I haven’t done any of it. I really seem, after the brilliant start I had to this year to have lost motivation. I think about what I need to do then I’m not actually doing it.

I’m definitely at that self sabotage stage. I’m 2lbs off my next target and I know from past behaviour that when I get to significant targets I end up unconsciously putting up barriers to achieving this. I wrote some posts at the beginning of the year about the need to be invisible and that some of the sabotage was linked to this but I’ve taken lots of steps since then to combat that. I definitely think more about achieving goals than ever before.

One positive point this time is I am aware that I’m doing it. I’ve managed my inner battles with anxiety and self esteem to the point where my weight has stayed steady at the lower end rather than me gaining all over again so that is a huge plus point for this year. And another one; despite an increase in sugar I still haven’t had any chocolate so that is definitely one battle won.

I just need to work out that trigger to get me moving again.

I’ve had very little sugar this week but I have overcompensated with bread so I need to look at alternatives for boredom eating. Toast is not the answer J

I’m shopping at the weekend so will stock up on fruit and sugar-free jelly.

It’s a bank holiday and I have some walking plans. I still have those 5 minute exercise routines saved on my sky+ box but I have a tendency to forget they are there. I may have to set a reminder on my phone until it becomes habit to do it.

I’ve developed some good habits this year and got rid of some bad ones so I know it’s possible to do this. I also know from experience now that for all the messing about once I achieve the mini-targets the motivation comes back to go further and get at least ¾ of the way to the next one. I just need to find my missing mojo.

I will keep pushing on through and congratulating myself on achievements – being stuck now doesn’t negate the hard work and success that I already have

So again – Let’s Do This 🙂


365 Day Blog challenge Day 176 Starting Again #365daychallenge

I’ve noticed over the last couple of months that my sugar consumption is creeping up. I still haven’t had the chocolate and I’ve not had the fizzy drinks but I have had more biscuits than I should have and too many times I’ve ordered a cake or pastry when buying something in a shop.

Cutting it out as much as possible in January did wonders for my health and I obviously haven’t been paying enough attention to my behaviours for it to creep in again and I don’t want to keep making excuses to myself. I started the reduction of sugary products yesterday and keep thinking I need something sugary in the afternoons but I’m on leave from work for 6 days so I’m sure it’s just a boredom eating thing. I’m not hungry. I need to find more things to do!

The other thing I’ve let slip is a beauty regime. At one point I got myself into a really good routine of moisturising, using toners and so on and it’s lapsed. I keep saying I will do something about starting this again as it did help my skin but I haven’t. Again no excuses except my own laziness. So from tonight the creams are coming back out.

I remember at the beginning of the year watching something called Fat;The Fight of your Life or something similar. These people had often 10 or more stone to lose and first of all started off doing amazing then had a relapse. Some then picked themselves up and continued their journeys, some sadly gave up. At the time everything was going great for me so I couldn’t understand the lapse but now I can.

Magazines just tell you the success stories to sell whatever product they are peddling. They don’t tell you how hard it is to continuously carry on thinking about your weight, your body and what you need to do to change things. No one is perfect and set backs will happen. The key is whether you pick yourself up or give up. I refuse to give up so I have to accept that my journey won’t be perfect and every so often I’ll have to regroup and start again in some way. I’ve come so far though this year to stop now and for the first time in many, many years I don’t want to.

So new start, fresh start, onwards and upwards 🙂

365 Day Blog challenge Day 173 Temptation #365daychallenge

This year as I’ve mentioned several times I gave up chocolate and cola/pepsi and it’s diet versions. I’ve never managed to last as long as I have this time and the habit really has gone. Over Easter I was surrounded like everyone in the supermarkets by chocolate eggs and managed to not be tempted at all.

I was more concerned about the fizzy drinks. I’ve caved in so often with this. However last week my son brought a bottle of coke zero into the kitchen saying he didn’t like it any more. Old me would have drank it all that day. New-me said that I would give it to my nephews and nieces and if they didn’t want it throw it away. It’s still sat on my kitchen work top as I keep forgetting to take it round to their house. This would never have happened even in December!

I’m so pleased with myself. They say it takes 30 days to break a habit. Even when I’ve tried to give things up for Lent (40 days) I’ve always caved straight after. It may sound like small things but to me they are huge achievements and proof that I can change other things if I put my mind to it.

I’ve really probably started eating too many biscuits and cookies instead which is why my weight loss isn’t moving fast so this is something to tackle now that I have proven to myself I don’t need these bad sugars in my life.

365 Day Blog challenge Day 162 April in Review #365daychallenge

Days without chocolate/sugary treats 120

Days without diet cola/pepsi 116

Footsteps logged 282714 (up 3164 from March)

Total weight lost to date: 19lbs

Only 1lb weight loss this month although former weight loss coaches in the past would be cross at me saying ‘only’. Even though my steps have gone up each month and I’ve still lost weight I feel like I’ve lost track a little bit. Too many biscuits (cookies) have crept in and because my energy has been low with the iron deficiency I’ve craved carbs which always slow my weight loss down.

So tomorrow is 1st of May and a good time to refocus and think about what I really want and how to get it. Then I need to do it!

365 Day Blog challenge Day 149 Colour #365daychallenge

At the weekend I bought 2 bright coloured tee shirts and a set of day glo trainer socks that took me right back to my teenage years in the late 80’s and it made me think about clothes and how we use them as armour.

As a teenager I was all about the leggings, skinny jeans and band shirts. Then when my first bout of depression kicked in and I started my first weight gain I switched to leggings and t-shirts that hid the fat. Less about fashion and more about not caring what I looked like.

Then I sorted myself out, went back to work and went back to the rock chick look. Then 2010 and the start of depression/anxiety numbers 2 and 3 and more weight gains. Just prior to this I started flirting with a more girly look – floating print dresses. I love the 40/50’s dresses and I liked myself in these clothes but a comment by someone (that was downright offensive and very racist when I think back on it) just wrecked my fragile self esteem and back to my jeans/shirts armour.

That person isn’t around me now and so on and off from 2010 I mixed the dresses and jeans styles but slowly since the 3rd bout of depression the dresses have disappeared and I seem to have a very much black wardrobe with a bit of white/cream. I can’t even call it an on trend monochrome style. It’s given-up style.

AS I’ve lost the weight this year I’ve dug out my skinny jeans and am feel much more confident in them and wearing colourful tops to go with them. I’ve bought a few in different colours for work and home.

Last year I dug out an old skater dress for a friends wedding and one) was overjoyed it still for and two) remembered how wonderful they make me feel. I’m not going to go crazy buying clothes as I still have weight to lose and want to buy what I need until I’m where I want to be. I have a treat planned for when I reach goal weight now which are some Kurt Geiger shoes. I keep passing the store on my way to work and I’m in love with their heels. As a designer shop it’s out of my league for now but as a reward for the hard work I’m putting in to achieve my goals I think one pair would be worth it.

No point rewarding myself with clothes as I need them for everyday life but I don’t need a pair of heels (especially when I think of the masses of them I have in my wardrobe….) so I think that would be something wonderful to look forward to.


365 Day Blog challenge Day 116 Animal Kingdom #dietgoals #365daychallenge

This morning I stood on the scales and found out I had hit my first weight loss goal. I wrote in the Wonderland  blog that as I had a lot of weight to lose I wanted to split it into 5 sections and had given all but the last one (Wonderland) Disney park names hence reaching Animal Kingdom.

This weight is significant for 3 reasons

  • There’s a 30 year high school reunion in the summer. I was this weight at the last reunion 3 years ago. I remember feeling good about myself as I’d lost 7lbs, my clothes fit and I was so happy that I could get my rings on again. Then the breakdown happened and I put those 7lbs back on plus another 10lbs taking me to the heaviest I have been in my life
  • 3 years ago I had the final breakdown so it feels like getting back to the weight I have finally vanquished that period of my life. I’m back to a time before I got anxious, sad and teary. To a time when I thought I had so much to look forward to that got taken away for a short while

But thirdly, when I first put on weight in the mid 1990’s I went to a slimming club and was the same weight as I was this morning. That was the heaviest I’d ever been in my life up to that point. I was mortified I’d let myself get to such a stage. Today I’m celebrating getting back to something that once disgusted me. I’m still going to celebrate as it’s a great achievement however I need to keep that 1990’s feeling that I need to be healthier and fitter and keep going.

I’m on target with the steps challenge I set myself this week. I’m feel quite Zen and in the mood for positive change. Although my next official target (MGM studios) is about another 15lbs away I’ve some smaller ones leading up to it. 4lbs will mean I have lost a stone and a half, 5lbs will put me in the next stone weight below (in UK we tend to weigh in stones and pounds rather than just pounds)

I’ve also got some mini target rewards. Having lost 14lbs I am going to have my 2nd set of ear piercings re-opened (one is fine but one has healed over so just going to tidy it up). When I hit 21lbs (stone and a half – 4lbs away) I will have the one in my upper ear re-opened.

Once I’ve lost a further 14lbs after that I will get the 2 tattoos I’ve wanted for a while. I never see the point in saying I will treat myself to new clothes. When you lose weight you need the new clothes anyway. It becomes necessity rather than treat.

Overall I feel really good today. While I wobbled a couple of times knowing the target was coming up using this blog daily kept me on my toes and far more conscious of my behaviour than in previous diets and it was easier to pull back and re-motivate.

My step-mum asked me yesterday what diet I was doing and was a bit surprised by my answer (she has been a member of a diet club or another for nearly 40 years – for maybe 10-15 years she has been at her goal weight). I said I gave up sugary foods, quit the fizzy diet drinks and blogged about being fat. No clubs, no paying other people to weigh me and for the first time in over 20 years I’ve proven to myself that I can do it myself by just being sensible.