365 Day Blog challenge Day 186 Goddess #365daychallenge

Been a long day of people performance planning so it’s curling up time with a good book and relaxing. The meme below may be about being a Goddess but nothing wrong with the guys embracing their inner power either 🙂

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365 Day Blog challenge Day 184 Motivational #365daychallenge

Today was the total opposite of yesterday. Well apart from rushing out of the house without a coat and nearly being late for a conference call but the rest has been good.

I had a meeting with my mentor who works in a building on the other side of the city centre. We went through the development course I am on and how it’s gone so far then discussed the different steps I want to look at next. She has made some contacts to introduce me to people in jobs I would like to explore so I can set up some shadowing.

Then we looked at the competencies needed for jobs. In the civil service this is the way they recruit and it can be a nightmare trying to give the best example of something you can to sell yourself in 250 words. I have a few already which she’s going to check and going forwards I have a few more to write so I have them to slot into any application. This is the hard part – doing them in the first place. She is going to sense check them and make sure they sell me as much as possible.

I left the meeting really motivated into my next steps. I have a few ideas of jobs I’d like to do and even though it’s never fun writing up competencies I have some good ideas to note down and build into something.

And it’s nice to have that time to just think about yourself and what you want and have a person to bat ideas off that can then help you explore what you really want.

Then I got to walk back to my office on a glorious sunny day. So today has been a good day 🙂


365 Day Blog challenge Day 183 Frustrations #365daychallenge

Today has been a bit of a frustrating day after a relaxing weekend. I woke up to the sound of my neighbour having some kind of argument with slamming doors. This was about 6am and he’s normally so quiet so a bit unusual. I also could only hear the one voice so intriguing as well! Sadly he’s not been there long and I don’t know him well enough (as you never see him) to get any gossip.

So I didn’t wake up too well. Then the bus was delayed by 10 minutes. It didn’t really affect anything in getting to work but along with having to go back home before I caught the bus as I’d forgotten my locker key it added to my negative mood. Sometimes I feel a bit anxious going into work. It stems from a previous job and so I often go into the city centre early and spend 20-30 minutes having a hot drink sat somewhere first. Usually this means I get to work unstressed and not rushed. However it didn’t work today and I still felt really anxious until about lunchtime.

Then my conference call to discuss data I need for my job has been put back 2 days. To top it all off my  outlook for emails has been really slow and keeps crashing. All in all I’ve spent most of the day counting the hours down until I can go home again.

I did get some encouraging texts from my friend today so that made me feel a bit better. Sometimes there are days like this where we feel everything is not awesome and nothing seems to work. Sometimes it’s okay to acknowledge that and let it run it’s course. For me it doesn’t usually last too long and so I don’t fight it.

To quote Gone With the Wind – Tomorrow is another day… (and tomorrow is my late working day so if nothing else I’ll get a lie in #positives)

365 Day Blog challenge Day 178 Mental Health Awareness Week #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek #365daychallenge


So today I did a thing….

My first day back at work after a week off and straight into a team meeting I’d helped to plan. The post-lunch energiser was to have come to the meeting with 4 or 5 songs that you felt represented you and we had 15-20 minute doing some arts and crafts decorating our CD of the songs. Then we had to talk about why we picked them. When it came to my turn I explained I’d picked songs based on the 2 parts of my personality; on the one hand I’m one of the most laid back people you might meet, on the other side I have a Sever Anxiety Disorder.

I’ve flirted around the subject between a few of the team but never sat and said it out loud with it’s full title to everyone. I was less anxious than you might think. I’d planned the songs and what I wanted to say so just came out with it.

I was sat opposite my bosses boss and he was nodding and smiling the whole time which made me feel good. Then the host of that segment discussed her songs and the energiser was over. I didn’t expect a conversation and we didn’t get one. I also had the following exercise in the meeting so could move the meeting along at my pace.

My exercise was for everyone to think of one nice word or phrase to give to each member of the team. This way at the end each person should have had 13 positive words about themselves and we were going to reflect on this. Often what we think we are  can be all negative and it can surprise you what others think of you. As the host of this exercise I didn’t take part so it was a nice surprise that 11 of the team gave me words.

Three people gave me the word ‘brave’ with one colleague saying it was in response to admitting my S.A.D. Going back to how others see you I didn’t feel brave, I was feeling determined. There’s a big thing at the civil service called ‘I can be me’ with people with disabilities, faiths and sexuality writing blogs about these things and how it affects them. I write this blog, I don’t need to write one for work but I do want to within my team free to ‘be me’.

Of course the next steps are important, how my line management team follow up on this. What I want to happen is for them to say ok fine and move on. What I don’t want is for them to not offer me opportunities because they think I couldn’t cope. That should be for me to decide.

I summed that up (I hope) with one of my song choices: So What by Pink. The line So what, I’m still a rock star is the mantra I live by. So what… I have anxiety but it doesn’t define me. I think I’ve found a work team that accept that 🙂


365 Day Blog challenge Day 164 Networking #365daychallenge

Much better day today. Whatever brought the anxiety on yesterday has gone and I felt much happier today. I had a meeting with a local women’s network at work to look at how they can shape their coming year and where I could fit in with this.

I’ve tried a few voluntary things at work as extras in an effort to build up skills gaps and discover more about such a huge company and they haven’t worked out. I left this one feeling much more positive.

I’ve also managed to get myself signed up on their communications team. This is great for me as I can network, find out more about the breakdown of the civil service and who works where and it will give me some skills that I feel are missing not least the opportunity to learn to publish content on our intranet.

So I’m looking forward to how this will pan out. It feels like it will be more productive than past attempts and if it works I’ll achieve more. And that makes me a happy employee 🙂

365 Day Blog challenge Day 157 A Trouble Shared #365daychallenge

Today was a good day. It was module 2 of my development course and I’ll talk more about it tomorrow as it’s late now. However we had to reflect over the last 3 months since we last saw each other. One woman mentioned that she had been struggling with her anxiety and it was like a flood gate opened inside me.

I talk about anxiety with my parents and my closest friends but rarely at work. I ended up in three separate conversations after this woman’s declaration about my anxiety and how it affects me and how I deal with it along with how it affects them and how they deal with it. It was such a wonderful awakening.

I try to be as honest as I can no matter how stressful and hard it is to say the words out loud (typing in a blog is easy for me personally) but I worry about it at work. Some managers have been really supportive when we’ve spoken and some not so much so I tend to err on the side of caution.

Funny really as we are having a big “I can be me” campaign at work. Trans colleagues, LGBT colleagues, spectrum colleagues, those of different religions and ethnicities are all writing pieces on their world and lifestyles. There’s little about the anxiety and depression sufferers. It’s still a little bit taboo. I’m not sure I’m if ready to stick my head above the wall and declare mine to a potential 250,000 people just yet as much as it needs to be discussed.

This blog is my start. It’s helping me be brave and speak out however small the audience so maybe one day I’ll be able to do this on a grander scale and the subject won’t have as much hold over me.